comedycentral:

"You’re not supposed to eat Americone Dream after sex. You’re supposed to eat it during sex. That’s what the waffle cone pieces are for, they’re ribbed for your pleasure.” -Stephen Colbert

tomthebluellama:

hellarat:

madmaninachair:

Do you ever memorize a person’s voice? Like you can construct a sentence in your mind that that person’s never said, and yet you hear them say it.

Is that a thing people can do?????????

yea 

(via guy)

porrim-some-sugar-on-me:

lock-lamora:

duhpercy:

ads for pads these days are all about how thin and discreet pads are and how no one will ever be tell you’re wearing them wELL HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE THE PACKAGING QUIETER BECAUSE THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT IN HAVING A THIN DISCREET PAD WHEN EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU RIPPING ONE OPEN IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM

Use the men’s room they won’t expect it

'Who the fuck is eating chips in here?'

(via killermuffins89)